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Random Story Escapades #12: Mind Games - Not Another Wolf's Den
Trying to find the way
pyrostinger
pyrostinger
Random Story Escapades #12: Mind Games
I've admitted/accused several times that I am a snob on this blog.  As an example, when I saw a possible collaboration with an artist arise, I looked over the other people that applied.  Out of the many, I felt that a decent story would be produced from only two. 

One of them was me.

But you know, that's not really fair, is it?  I mean, yes, while I have read a few of the many, I haven't read everybody, and it would be unfair of me to simply throw out the baby with the bath water because I hadn't read them.  After all, there are hidden gems everywhere, right?  So I decided to give one of these potential applicants a chance, picking one at more or less random, and a story at more or less random.  Unfortunately, my intial feeling became entirely justified, at least for this writer. 

The story started in medias sex, with the male character about to stick it into the female, and the female never expecting something like this to happen when the day began.  Sidenote: I'm almost certain that the male character is the avatar of the author.  More on this later.  Anyway, it's morning and the female, a vixen (and the only reason I am guessing vixen is because of the tags; the female's species is rarely if ever mentioned in the text) and her sister are having breakfast with the sister getting the mail.  It's the vixen's birthday, and in the mail -- along with a few birthday cards -- is a blank card.  Not blank as in no message in the inside, so far as I know it's blank in its entirety.  The vixen gets excited before controlling herself and the sister remarks on how weird a blank card is.  Sister exits the room because who cares about her, and then the card is revealed to have a secret message!  Which, apparently, will only appear once the vixen is alone in a room.

Now, the first red flag went up for me here.  Granted, it was a small, innocuous little thing, a secret message from somebody that's programmed amd/or magicked to be read for her eyes alone.  A teensy bit creepy, but you know, whatever, easily dismissed.  Anyway, card essentially says "Happy birthday, remember the secret card trick?  Oh and meet me at some hotel at a certain time, I have a present for you."  Fast forward to the appointed time (since absolutely nothing could have possibly happened in the intervening time) and the vixen walks up to meet the prior mentioned male character, who's described as being a "wolfox."  I shit you not, a wolfox.  Not a wolf-ox, which might have been cool, but a wolf-fox.  Okay, fine, whatever, strange name for a somewhat common hybrid.  Anyway, the wolf...whatever says that he has a present for the vixen, but instead of straight out giving it to her, he chooses to treat her to eat first.

At this point, the vixen realizes that she's in this awesome restaurant!  That, you know, shares the name of the hotel.  And is located inside of the same hotel.  So it would be too much of us to ask that she not be surprised at going to this hotel restaurant, you know?  She has a lot on her mind.  Anyway, they go in and eat, and vixen asks fox thing what her present is.  Writer-character suddenly gets serious and says "I know your secret.  I know how you feel about me."  Suddenly, intrigue!  Then the writer-character-wolf-fox-whatever offers her a choice.  Come to a certain hotel room to "make your dreams come true," or have this dinner erased so that things could go back the way they were.  Hang on, what?

I had to read that again to confirm that, but yes, apparently the foxy-wolf dude has mind powers.  Again, the writer-avatar has freaking mind powers and can erase memories.  Suddenly, red flags sprouting like mushrooms after a rain!  Holy friggan shitbunnies, not only is this overpowered, but it brings up a whole host of questions!  F'r instance, are these feelings that the vixen feels natural, or were they planted by mindfox here?  Additional creepiness factor: the earlier secret message.  It's like this dude's a rapist.  With powers.  And to make everything worse/better, the story goes on to say that the mind rapist is the vixen's adoptive brother.  So, to recap, her choices are to either confess her feelings to her mind-taking, wolf-fox-hybrid adopted brother and bone him, or have her mind raped so that this secret of her having feelings for him is eternally erased.  Or maybe suppressed.  Or maybe option C: mind AND body rape.

Anyway, she comes up to the room and confesses her undying love for the writer-character (of course), and then reaches up to undo the snap that takes off her entire dress. Handy, that.  Vixen apparently has trouble with the one single, solitary snap because she's so nervous, so he abruptly moves (teleports?  I mean, mind powers) behind her to do it himself.  She gets naked, going to the bed, and watches him strip down, too (sidenote: the whole... getting completely naked before having sex seems kinda... I dunno.  "Boring" isn't quite the right word, but for me it's close). 

So they get into bed together, his bits resting on her.  He lets his fingers "slide over her slit" to only find her instantly wet.  Because, you know, she's apparently been lusting over him forever and a day or something.  Now, here he simply gets himself ready to poke himself home.  Let's pause for a moment, because I have a confession to make:  I love foreplay.  It sets the mood, and if its done right, can make the main event just so much better.  And really, when two (or maybe more) people are getting sensual and romantic, wouldn't it follow for them to have a little bit of foreplay, at least?  Well, not for vixen and super mind wolf, here, since foreplay apparently consisted of him just stroking her bits once.  Maybe he got her wet with his mind!  Anyway, super avatar wolfox's reasoning for dispensing with probably my most favorite part of sex is because he doesn't want her to wait any longer before he dicks her.  Cuz, you know, she's been craving those hot mind dickings. 

So they have sex.  And I'm given to understand that, aside of the really fucking creepy overtones with the secret message and mind-blasting that the story is supposed to be intimate and sensual.  However, the author ultimately fails to properly portray this because his word choice vacillates between the sensual and the porny.  On the plus side, though, I will give credit that the author chose to have his male dude put on a condom, so yay for safe sex.  On the massively negative side, the author commits an infraction that, were I to run the world, would condemn one to a lifetime of flogging. 

The crime is redundancy, and exhibit A is this part: "She’d dreamt of this moment so many times, but this feeling was nothing like her dreams. Her dreams did not come close to this feeling."  The first sentence repeats an idea, which has me wanting the story to get on with it.  But then!  Then he goes BACK to make sure that you, the reader, absolutely know that this vixen's dreams have been found wanting against the torrid reality of how great this sex is.  It blows her fucking mind.  Seriously, the fact that this is her dream to do the writer-rapist is mentioned no less than seven times during the course of this story, and three times in one sentence alone.  WE GET IT.

The sex ends, and she spoons into him, having the best birthday ever thanks to a potential mind-erasing creeper.  And the coup de grâce is that in the text of the story, we find out that this fucker has TWO OTHER GIRLS that he dates/bones regularly.  And she's okay with this.  And she's going to share the wolfucker (again, a writer-avatar) with them.  Cuz, you know, he a pimp.  And everything is just gonna be peachy-keen.

I'm going to be honest.  While I may have been missing a bit of backstory here, this sadly reinforces my earlier prejudice.  I really didn't want to have it reinforced. 

Damn, I've been doing a lot of these.

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