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Random Story Escapades #9: Son, I am disappoint - Not Another Wolf's Den
Trying to find the way
Random Story Escapades #9: Son, I am disappoint
I'm not angry, not at all.  I'm disappointed. 

There's one author that vexes me.  It's not spelling or grammar; those are problems that are, thankfully, becoming much, much less common in posted works.  As a matter of fact, I couldn't tell you the last time I saw a story that was particularly riddled with those problems.  But really, a sense of spelling and grammar is about the only positive thing I could say about this person.  Y'see, my main issue is that this guy writes really, really inflated works, and the single worst reason that this happens is because this writer is terribly redundant. 

It happens all the time.  All the time!  Every single story I've read, and believe me when I say that I've read a few, has the very same issues.  One, accents are always transcribed.  ALWAYS.  There has not been a single character, and this guy reuses a lot of them, where there hasn't been a transcribed accent.  Which means you get lots of "dat dere", "iff mein", and "tae lassie" strewn about the text.  Look, I get that having a transcribed accent can add a nice spice to the story.  But at the very same time, it can make that section of text unreadable, so you end up going from "What the hell did that person just say?" to "Oh, I don't give a fuck." Characters, aside of accents, are given one aspect about them, and that sole aspect is used to describe them forever and ever until the end of time.  One such aspect: Eyeglass-wearing.  No, really.  They don't wear glasses, they are glasses-wearing.  When characters think, they do it in actual bubbles, something I haven't seen before or since.  The word "sexily" is used at all.  This may be a bit of a pet peeve, but that word is just clumsy to me, and to use it when you're trying to be sexy just... defeats the purpose.  And then, there's the biggest part of why these stories are over-inflated, the naughty bits. 

Sex scenes have numerous issues that make me question whether or not this person has ever seen porn, nevermind had sex, because some of the stuff is just... off.  Pre is described as firing, always, and there always seems to be the same kind of words ascribed to the same actions, so it gets really repetitive tab A-slot B kinda deal.  Oh, and by the way, there will not be a reason that you ever forget exactly how endowed anybody is unless you lose track of the characters, because the specific length of dicks and cup-size of bras (or in the case of hermaphrodites, both) are explicitly stated frequently.  Characters will interrupt their own words or thoughts while having sex with dirty talk.  Example (emphasis mine): "you’re liable to make me cum, ooohhhh, before you start pounding me with that, aaaaahhhhhh, yes, suck my pussy, wonderfully big cock of yours."  However, none of these is the most egregious part about these stories.  And it gets back to the very core of redundancy.

Now, again, I am not a fan of redundancy.  It's boring, and everytime I encounter it, I think "Why are you telling me this again?"  Now, the most unfortunate part of this author's stories is that he's most redundant when characters are interacting with each other, especially during sex scenes.  No offense to RP logs, but they're organized like particularly bad ones; One character does something, and then the second character does a recap of what the first character did before doing something.  The first character recaps, and does something else, and so on, and so forth.  This happens all the damn time.  Each character's actions take a paragraph, half of which is spent responding to a prior character's actions.  Paragraphs just get longer when there's more than two people.  So you will spend at least half the story being told what just happened the paragraph prior from the responding character's perspective.  Oh, and the story's stray towards novella length, upwards of 30,000 words.  Thirty thousand fuck-mothering words. 

I'm not sure "disappointment" adequately describes what I feel about this author's works.  It's probably strayed into annoyance, because I know there are people out there that like and comment on them, saying how good they are.  And I want to shake these people and scream "No!  There are better writers out there!  Read more, read better stuff!"  And... it's disheartening, and I just complain and sigh.  It baffles me that somebody could put themselves through it and like it.  And already, I think I may have spent too many words just trying to describe all of this. 

Look.  People.  Just.. demand more of your authors, please.  I may be a giant writing snob, but stories like these are just... unsatisfying.
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Feelin': disappointed Son...

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